It had been building up for a while.  It started with an especially busy few weeks, resulting in my husband being away from home even more than usual.  The kids miss their dad, and his absence is felt.   I miss my husband, and needed that one-on-one time.  The stress accumulated, and came to a head this morning.

Trying to get everyone ready for a fun day at the beach (in the hopes that some outdoor activity would sweeten my sour mood a bit), I spend most of that time weeping.  Weeping while trying to get my son dressed.  Weeping while filling up water bottles.  Weeping as that sweet son gave me his mischievous smile, after I had told him to sit down to get his shoes on, letting me know he had no intention of obeying, and was ready for a game of chase.

Weeping over the horrible mom I had been the last few days.  Weeping that my kids deserve better.  Weeping that I was totally out of energy to do this mom thing.  Weeping over being tired of my children, and weeping because I knew I shouldn’t be tired of them.  Weeping that my husband wasn’t meeting my (unrealistic) expectations, and that these children were obeying like I want them to.

Lots and lots of weeping.

I’d like to give you a real spiritual conclusion, and say that I turned to my Lord.  I opened by Bible, laid my cares before Him, knowing He cares for me.  I wish I could say that I did the ‘spiritual” thing and put my trust in Him.  But, the truth is, I turned to self-pity.  I did cast up a prayer, in the midst of weeping, dripping with self-pity and complaining.  Had I turned to Christ in prayer first, I suspect I would not have been face down on my kitchen floor this morning, blubbering in front of my children.

I’d like to think I learned my lesson, but I know me too well.  I’ll be back in that place again.

My question to you is, where do you turn when you are at your wit’s end?

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